Change Is Hard

I am sitting here, in a room I have sat in many times before, in a place where I have had experiences that have shaped my life, and I have that feeling. You know that feeling where you're introduced to an idea? When your perceptions undergo a radical, or maybe not so radical change? It's that kind of nervous expansion in your chest where you're not sure if you're terrified, excited, or on the verge of hyperventilating. More than anything else I would describe this sensation as being overwhelmed.
Last night my Dad and I left work and started talking on the drive home. When we got home we sat and talked for about an hour and a half instead of walking in the door and planting ourselves in front of the TV. We talked about how my sister and I were raised, about what my parents are doing with their lives, about purpose, about meaning, and about making a difference.
This morning in church I ignored the message. It wasn't because I didn't value what my pastor was saying. I was spending that time praying for the people I know who are out there in the world right now. I was praying for my friends in the Dominican Republic, Japan, Alaska, and India. I was praying for them as individuals, and as teams. I was praying for the cities they were in, and I was praying for the people in those cities that I will never know.
More and more I'm finding that my actions are reflecting who I want to be. I want to care about the world, and I want to change it. I don't know how that will look. Will I end my life in relative anonymity, or will I go out with a well cited wikipedia article detailing my exploits? Either way it doesn't matter to me. I just want to make a difference... if I'll let myself.
I'm terrified. I've been talking for months about how I can't wait to move to South America, about how I'm excited to potentially be living in Bolivia next year, about how I'm so tired of the flaws in North American culture, but this is where I'm comfortable. There are times where it doesn't feel right, and I just want to get out of here and live somewhere where warmth is found in climate and in culture, and then there are times like now.
In this room where I'm sitting, in this room where I've experienced a few paradigm shifts in the past, I feel like my chest is about to explode. I just finished reading an article, one that I knew I would like, that I knew would be informative, that I never expected to impact me like this. Reject Apathy.
I have so many thoughts on this topic, on this idea, on these words, that I won't even try to contain them in a blog post. I'll just leave you some key words so that this isn't as vague as I know it's coming across
Social Justice. Sustainability. Real Lasting Change. Freedom.
It's overwhelming. I'm just me. As I was reading the article I almost wanted to give up just thinking about the sheer magnitude of the task before me. The task before all of us I guess... Then I remembered some words I read recently.

"Don't ever let the fact that you can't do everything for everyone be a reason not to do something for someone"
-Larry Jones

I don't know who the someone I'll do something for is. I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and more and more I'm convinced that it doesn't matter. I just want to do that something, for someone, somewhere, anywhere. Even if it doesn't mean the physical warmth that I want. Even if it means somewhere I haven't considered to this point.