Messed Up

I know, it's been a while, again. I haven't forgotten about my blog, I just haven't been super motivated to write anything while I've been here. I'm up at camp again and I've just been getting settled in and spending time with friends. But I have something to write about now. I guess technically I have a few things to write about, but I'm choosing to write about this one thing in particular.

So yesterday I was on youtube, and myspace, and all sorts of other websites trying to find good music videos. I was trying to find music videos that actually say something, that weren't made by your friend back home with iMovie and a makeshift green screen... although I'm sure your friend is very talented. Anyways, I stumbled upon this one video with Matisyahu and Trevor Hall. I love Matisyahu, but I had no idea who Trevor Hall was, and I was pretty sure it wasn't the same Trevor Hall I went to middle school with. So I'm listening to the song and watching the video that goes with it, and it's not your standard video, it's more of an explanation of where the song came from and the writing process while they showed it being recorded. You could tell pretty early on that Trevor had some less... conventional views.

take me to the table where we all dine together
pluck me from the crowd and return me to my sender
whatever path you follow for sure until tomorrow
love all serve all and create no sorrow
so many rivers but they all reach the sea
you're telling me it's different but i just don't believe
love is the goal yes and everyone shall reach it
whoever seeks it seen and unseen

i don't want to reason anymore about the one i love, the one i love
i don't want to reason anymore about God above, God above
I just want to melt away in all this grace, drift away to this sacred place
where there's no more you and me, no more they and we
just unity

Then Matisyahu comes in, and I can't figure out what all of his lyrics are so I'm not going to try. I'm fascinated by this song on so many levels. It's coming out of a deeply personal space for both artists, but they are coming from two perspectives that just seem so different. Matisyahu is a Hasidic Jew and knows his Torah and his Talmud. Trevor seems to be spiritual, but unaffiliated. Perhaps Buddhist, but I can't say for certain. I think it's incredible that two people who come from such different backgrounds can join together and write a piece of music about the very subject that makes them different.

Listening to the song it's actually quite confusing because the first verse, sung by Trevor, seems incongruous with what the rest of the song is trying to say. It's apparent that he believes that there is no one way to heaven or to the afterlife or whatever is next, and that you'll get there no matter which path you take. I disagree with that. I've heard people take similar stances before, and have withheld comment just because I may not have been sure myself, or I may not have known what to say. As I was thinking about this yesterday, and trying to figure out why he thinks this way I realized something. He has this overwhelming love. It's even in the lyrics of the song. Love all, serve all. That's amazing. His love for everyone extends to a point where he wants everyone to have the same perfect after life. That perfection is where the problem is.

We're not good enough for heaven. We're just not. Heaven is perfect, and it only continues to be perfect as long as everything in it is perfect. Which we're not. It happens very early on, shortly after we're born, or maybe after we turn two... I'm not quite sure as I've only been directly involved in that process as a participant who doesn't remember much of it. Either way, we're not perfect. So we don't get to go to heaven. Nobody does. I don't think that the world realizes this. And when I say the world I'm definitely including Christians. So many of us act like we deserve to go to heaven. We are good people, we go to church, we've never done anything "that bad". It doesn't matter. We're not good enough. None of these paths are going to make us good enough.

Christianity is supposed to be the one that takes the focus off of us completely. It's not about who we are or what we've done. It's about who God is and what He's done. There's a whole new rant in here that I won't take the time to get in to, but I'll outline it. There's something wrong with the way I used to think. The way I sometimes still think. I don't know where it came from, but I feel like going to church didn't help it go away. I do things on my own a lot. When I do I get tired, and burnt out, and realize that I haven't been doing it right. When I give up my own involvement in things I find that God takes over in some strange way that I never expect, and things don't necessarily go the way I planned for them to, but they always seem to work out somehow. I just get so wrapped up in myself.

That's where I was trying to get to earlier. This song has some good stuff in it. We are all the same. But we're not all the same in finding the afterlife. We're all the same in not deserving it. We're all part of the same flawed, imperfect group. That's where we have unity.