Disney Girls

Wow, it's hard to blog while you're at camp.
It's interesting how time changes the way you think. Well, maybe it doesn't change the way you think, but it certainly changes the way I think. It should, that's healthy. As you experience, and live, your perceptions will change. I find that recently it's been difficult for me to watch a movie without getting in to the thematic messages. This has been especially interesting as I've been watching a lot of Disney.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Disney movies. I still choose to watch them, and I quite enjoy the stories most of the time, but I seem to consistently find something in them that causes me to question what I'm watching. I know, they are cartoons. I understand that. They are also cartoons I grew up watching, and even though I'm not a fox who steals from a lion and gives to the poor, I related to those movies, and I was influenced by them.
I first started thinking this through when I was watching the Little Mermaid about a month ago. They meet, and get married within a few days, most of which she is unable to speak for. What is that relationship founded on? They weren't even able to communicate with each other properly. Was it based purely on physical appearance?
I know I'm probably reading in to things too much. I just can't help but wonder if Disney movies have inadvertantly inflicted damage on a generations perception of healthy relationships. They seem innocent, and almost always have some sort of moral message, but I think that's what makes them more dangerous.
If only I had a critical eye when I was five...

Love, Come Save Me

So I'm at camp, I may have mentioned that already once or twice. I'm here and it's great. One of the things I've been working on while I've been here is compiling a list of organizations that stand for something. Some of them speak out against Human Trafficking, others fight for Workers Rights. Some of them have unique suggestions, others network amongst themselves to accomplish the same goal. There are a lot out there however.
I'll confess I'm a sucker for stellar web design and a gimmick... Maybe part of that is that these organizations need to do that in order to stand out. I don't know. Regardless, there are a lot of organizations and it's hard to take the time to research all of them. I've just been operating based on what I've been told, and what I see. I've read a couple articles, and had a couple conversations, and there are some really fascinating organizations doing really cool work in really different ways.
Unfortunately I can't support them all. I can probably be aware of all of them, and spread the word about them all, but I can't really get behind every organization in the list. I can't even remember most of them.
This is where I start to feel guilty.
Why do I seem to care about some causes more than others? It's not that I think the issues are less important, or tragic. It's not as if there are lesser wrongs being perpetrated in some cases. Some organizations have more compelling stories, but it's often the organizations that are fighting for a cause I'm already concerned about. I look for organizations to draw me out and engage me, which is hard to do with my ADD. I guess I'm just not finding the right ones. Or maybe I'm trying too hard to care. Maybe it's alright to feel more passionately about child soldiers than clean water. It's not that I don't think clean water is important...
I don't know. There's a lot of tragedy going on in the world right now. There's also a lot of hope. If you can think of any great organizations that are out there doing something please post them here. Maybe you know the organizations that will pull my heart in such a way that it will expand and I can be equally passionate about everything...

I'm not thrilled with the post below... there are a few reasons for that and I'll post those here later.

-edit-

Okay now that it's been almost a week I'm finally sitting down to explain why I don't like what I wrote... I don't like the way I wrote it. A lot of the time when I'm writing it's part of processing something. A lot of it is about working through an idea, a conflict, or a point of confusion. With what I wrote below I had already processed it. I had worked through that idea in a few conversations and so I was just writing for the sake of writing.
Even in how I wrote I felt like I was coming across the wrong way. If I want to convince you of something, or argue with you about something, or whatever the case may be... a blog is a terrible place to do that. I would rather have the conversation as close as we can come to being face to face. For some people that's facebook chat, for others that could be a phone call... it doesn't really matter, just a better format than a blog.
This was never intended to be a platform for me to preach from. This is a place for my thoughts. This is a place for me to process. I don't mind people reading it, and I don't mind people responding to it, because that creates a discussion and stimulates new thoughts. My previous post doesn't really allow for that... I'll leave it there... I don't know why... it just feels wrong to remove it. And without it this post would be unnecessary.

So yeah... that's that. For now... I guess...

Messed Up

I know, it's been a while, again. I haven't forgotten about my blog, I just haven't been super motivated to write anything while I've been here. I'm up at camp again and I've just been getting settled in and spending time with friends. But I have something to write about now. I guess technically I have a few things to write about, but I'm choosing to write about this one thing in particular.

So yesterday I was on youtube, and myspace, and all sorts of other websites trying to find good music videos. I was trying to find music videos that actually say something, that weren't made by your friend back home with iMovie and a makeshift green screen... although I'm sure your friend is very talented. Anyways, I stumbled upon this one video with Matisyahu and Trevor Hall. I love Matisyahu, but I had no idea who Trevor Hall was, and I was pretty sure it wasn't the same Trevor Hall I went to middle school with. So I'm listening to the song and watching the video that goes with it, and it's not your standard video, it's more of an explanation of where the song came from and the writing process while they showed it being recorded. You could tell pretty early on that Trevor had some less... conventional views.

take me to the table where we all dine together
pluck me from the crowd and return me to my sender
whatever path you follow for sure until tomorrow
love all serve all and create no sorrow
so many rivers but they all reach the sea
you're telling me it's different but i just don't believe
love is the goal yes and everyone shall reach it
whoever seeks it seen and unseen

i don't want to reason anymore about the one i love, the one i love
i don't want to reason anymore about God above, God above
I just want to melt away in all this grace, drift away to this sacred place
where there's no more you and me, no more they and we
just unity

Then Matisyahu comes in, and I can't figure out what all of his lyrics are so I'm not going to try. I'm fascinated by this song on so many levels. It's coming out of a deeply personal space for both artists, but they are coming from two perspectives that just seem so different. Matisyahu is a Hasidic Jew and knows his Torah and his Talmud. Trevor seems to be spiritual, but unaffiliated. Perhaps Buddhist, but I can't say for certain. I think it's incredible that two people who come from such different backgrounds can join together and write a piece of music about the very subject that makes them different.

Listening to the song it's actually quite confusing because the first verse, sung by Trevor, seems incongruous with what the rest of the song is trying to say. It's apparent that he believes that there is no one way to heaven or to the afterlife or whatever is next, and that you'll get there no matter which path you take. I disagree with that. I've heard people take similar stances before, and have withheld comment just because I may not have been sure myself, or I may not have known what to say. As I was thinking about this yesterday, and trying to figure out why he thinks this way I realized something. He has this overwhelming love. It's even in the lyrics of the song. Love all, serve all. That's amazing. His love for everyone extends to a point where he wants everyone to have the same perfect after life. That perfection is where the problem is.

We're not good enough for heaven. We're just not. Heaven is perfect, and it only continues to be perfect as long as everything in it is perfect. Which we're not. It happens very early on, shortly after we're born, or maybe after we turn two... I'm not quite sure as I've only been directly involved in that process as a participant who doesn't remember much of it. Either way, we're not perfect. So we don't get to go to heaven. Nobody does. I don't think that the world realizes this. And when I say the world I'm definitely including Christians. So many of us act like we deserve to go to heaven. We are good people, we go to church, we've never done anything "that bad". It doesn't matter. We're not good enough. None of these paths are going to make us good enough.

Christianity is supposed to be the one that takes the focus off of us completely. It's not about who we are or what we've done. It's about who God is and what He's done. There's a whole new rant in here that I won't take the time to get in to, but I'll outline it. There's something wrong with the way I used to think. The way I sometimes still think. I don't know where it came from, but I feel like going to church didn't help it go away. I do things on my own a lot. When I do I get tired, and burnt out, and realize that I haven't been doing it right. When I give up my own involvement in things I find that God takes over in some strange way that I never expect, and things don't necessarily go the way I planned for them to, but they always seem to work out somehow. I just get so wrapped up in myself.

That's where I was trying to get to earlier. This song has some good stuff in it. We are all the same. But we're not all the same in finding the afterlife. We're all the same in not deserving it. We're all part of the same flawed, imperfect group. That's where we have unity.

After Today

I don't know what exactly I am hoping to record in this blog. At this point I think I'm vaguely going to dance around the idea of the future. I guess right now I have a pretty good idea of what I'll be doing for the next few years. I've set myself up for a few more years at Tyndale and I'm thrilled with that. My questions, which I've noticed I ask a lot, have more to do with the peripherals. Where will I live? What will I be doing during the summer, or during the year? I have another three months before school even starts and I've already started thinking about these things.
It seems like I have so many options that are so interdependent on so many other factors that it's a little intimidating. A single decision, one way or another, could change my next few years, and potentially even the rest of my life, drastically.
It's an intense thought. I'm tired. It's what I was thinking about and I thought I would share that quickly. I know how to make the decisions... I'm just not in a place where I want to. Afterall, I still have the present to get through first.

Change Is Hard

I am sitting here, in a room I have sat in many times before, in a place where I have had experiences that have shaped my life, and I have that feeling. You know that feeling where you're introduced to an idea? When your perceptions undergo a radical, or maybe not so radical change? It's that kind of nervous expansion in your chest where you're not sure if you're terrified, excited, or on the verge of hyperventilating. More than anything else I would describe this sensation as being overwhelmed.
Last night my Dad and I left work and started talking on the drive home. When we got home we sat and talked for about an hour and a half instead of walking in the door and planting ourselves in front of the TV. We talked about how my sister and I were raised, about what my parents are doing with their lives, about purpose, about meaning, and about making a difference.
This morning in church I ignored the message. It wasn't because I didn't value what my pastor was saying. I was spending that time praying for the people I know who are out there in the world right now. I was praying for my friends in the Dominican Republic, Japan, Alaska, and India. I was praying for them as individuals, and as teams. I was praying for the cities they were in, and I was praying for the people in those cities that I will never know.
More and more I'm finding that my actions are reflecting who I want to be. I want to care about the world, and I want to change it. I don't know how that will look. Will I end my life in relative anonymity, or will I go out with a well cited wikipedia article detailing my exploits? Either way it doesn't matter to me. I just want to make a difference... if I'll let myself.
I'm terrified. I've been talking for months about how I can't wait to move to South America, about how I'm excited to potentially be living in Bolivia next year, about how I'm so tired of the flaws in North American culture, but this is where I'm comfortable. There are times where it doesn't feel right, and I just want to get out of here and live somewhere where warmth is found in climate and in culture, and then there are times like now.
In this room where I'm sitting, in this room where I've experienced a few paradigm shifts in the past, I feel like my chest is about to explode. I just finished reading an article, one that I knew I would like, that I knew would be informative, that I never expected to impact me like this. Reject Apathy.
I have so many thoughts on this topic, on this idea, on these words, that I won't even try to contain them in a blog post. I'll just leave you some key words so that this isn't as vague as I know it's coming across
Social Justice. Sustainability. Real Lasting Change. Freedom.
It's overwhelming. I'm just me. As I was reading the article I almost wanted to give up just thinking about the sheer magnitude of the task before me. The task before all of us I guess... Then I remembered some words I read recently.

"Don't ever let the fact that you can't do everything for everyone be a reason not to do something for someone"
-Larry Jones

I don't know who the someone I'll do something for is. I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and more and more I'm convinced that it doesn't matter. I just want to do that something, for someone, somewhere, anywhere. Even if it doesn't mean the physical warmth that I want. Even if it means somewhere I haven't considered to this point.

Champions of Nothing

So it's been a while since I wrote anything here, and a large part of that is because I don't feel like I've had anything to write. And I suppose that's where I'm going to have to draw the subject of this post from.
Right now I'm in Bancroft, at my parents house, in my comfort zone. I don't know what it is, but while I'm here it is harder to motivate myself to do the things I know I need to than anywhere else. So here come my usual questions...
Am I always this lazy? Does my predicament reveal something profound about the state of humanity? Is this important or just frivolous?
It's tempting to keep writing blog posts about Hanson. They're fun, and I know people will comment on them and have some fun, but when I write those I don't think. I guess I'm frustrated with myself. I need to write about this so that I can figure out what I'm doing, and how I can fix it.
So what have I been doing? I've been watching a lot of TV. Some combination of the playoffs, the Game Show Network, Teletoon, and the Family Channel. (you can comment on my viewing preferences later) I've built some momentum with the geocaching program I'm setting up at Joy Bible Camp. I've placed four preliminary caches, and written up most of the documentation to go with it, and now I've moved on to a children's program to introduce the sport. I've written a letter, and cleared out my closet. Of course a lot of what was cleared out of my closet is now cluttering my room... which I need to finish cleaning at some point. I've also slept a lot.
I think I've gotten so used to my parents place being somewhere to rest. Bancroft is a place where I can shut off and not worry about accomplishing tasks. That's fine if I'm only home for a couple days here and there, but this stay will end up lasting for almost a month, and I can't spend all that time watching the Match Game and playing Tetris.
I have letters to send, a room to clean, applications to fill out, a summer to plan, and more. I feel like I should be able to accomplish this in the next 10 days, but based on how I've spent the last 17 it'll be close at best.
Which leaves me having ranted, without coming up with any sort of solution. To be honest I don't know if I have one. I need more structure, I just don't know how to implement it.

Everybody Get Dangerous

There are millions of Americans who go on short-term missions vacations (oops, I mean missions trips) each year. I say 'vacations' because many well-meaning people evaluate missions trips as if they are on a pleasure cruise.
'What are the bathrooms like?'
'Where will we sleep?'
'Can I bring my hair dryer?'
'Will I be able to call my boyfriend?'
'Is if safe?'
-Tom Davis

The Tyndale missions team to India left today. They are gone for three weeks. For a number of reasons I've been thinking about their trip, and what my wishes for them would be. I've been thinking about how I should pray for them. I don't want this trip to be a pleasure cruise.

I don't want them to fly across the world, do a good deed, and come back feeling better about themselves. I want this trip to mean something. I want this trip to change the world. I don't know if I want this trip to change their world, or the world of the people they interact with, but either way... I want this trip to change the world. But no one ever changed the world by playing it safe.

I think that's what struck me most about the above quote. We laugh off questions about going to the bathroom, and hair dryers, but when someone puts that on the same level as whether or not we are going to be safe, that's occasion for a pause. If we stay safe the entire time, if we are prepared for everything we encounter, if we don't find ourselves beyond our ability, then we will keep on operating under our own strength. It is when we venture beyond these limits that God takes over entirely, not as a gesture, but out of necessity.

We don't have the capacity to change the world that we are in. It requires an outside force. If we give up ourselves to that outside force, I can't even imagine the implications of what the world will look like. So when I pray for this team, when I pray for the other teams, when I wish them well, when I send them messages, I pray for change. I pray that Jesus wrecks their life. I pray that their hearts are broken and they get worn out. I pray that they experience something that is so much more than a vacation.

Where's the Love?

I don't get it. Why does Hanson seem to have such a bad reputation. I mean... sure they looked like teenage girls when they first appeared on the scene, and they had a radio hit that ended up on repeat... and my sister liked them... Okay so I didn't like Hanson at first either. I guess I didn't really start to appreciate them until a few years ago at easter when I went for a Tim Horton's run with a car full of guys, and one girl, and she was the only one who wasn't having an incredible time singing Hanson at the top of her lungs while driving down the street. That song is still one of my favourites for nostalgia, but my appreciation didn't end there. My friend Michelle listened to Hanson. Their new stuff. Then I met Sam and she listened to them also. Then I was at Silas's house and he had one of their newer cd's...
Regardless of how they started out, I really enjoy listening to Hanson these days. There's something incredibly catchy and, in some cases, moving about their music. It also doesn't hurt that they support one of my favourite companies, TOMS Shoes. You may have seen the at&t commercial, the guy who gives away shoes? Hanson went with TOMS to South Africa to give shoes away.
It's been a while since the mmmbop days. They have grown up, gotten haircuts, gotten married, and had children, and their music has done the same.
That may sound like a ridiculous thing to say, yet I can't help but feel like it's accurate. You can check out Taylor Hanson's new side project with members of Cheap Trick, the Smashing Pumpkins, and Fountains of Wayne here.
So in conclusion... I love Hanson. Whether this qualifies as loving them again, still, or for the first time, I can't decide, but give them a chance, listen to Tinted Windows also, and then you can decide as well.

Rescue

So I had an incredible weekend that was a fusion of all things wonderful. There was an epic thunderstorm, a few adventures, some really good, really important discussions, and just a lot of good memories.

Unfortunately some of the memories are a little tainted. I spent Saturday evening, and overnight in Queen's Park with an amazing group of people as part of a rally for Invisible Children. In over 80 cities across the world people came together to wait for their rescuers to arrive. In Toronto we were rescued by Olivia Chow, and had shows of support from Jack Layton, Rick Mercer, and Rob Dyer as well... last I heard they were still waiting to be rescued in Chicago.

In much the same way there are children in Uganda who have been abducted by the Lords Resistance Army lead by Joseph Kony, he trains them to fight. The idea behind the Rescue was to motivate governments to do something, to go rescue these children who have been forced to grow up too quickly, and to commit attrocities that are alien to us in our safe protected culture.
Check out some websites, and write some letters.
Invisible Children

Pictured: Lynn, A Statue of a Man on a Horse, Rick Mercer's forehead

You found me, alive but unworthy, broken and empty, you don't care. Because you are my rapture, you are my saviour. When all my hope is gone I reach for you. You are my rescue.
Rescue - Seabird

Tests on my Heart

Last week I had a word stuck in my head and I couldn't remember what it meant. I could have solved that problem pretty easily by just grabbing my text book, or looking in my dictionary, but I didn't want to. Maybe I was lazy, or maybe I was just enjoying the sound removed from its meaning. Thlipsis. It's a greek word. I think it sounds fantastic.
Anyways, at this point I should apologize to Professor Thomson if he's reading this. I don't know why he would be, but I do feel bad for the next part.
I was sitting in my last New Testament class of the semester and I wasn't paying attention at all. It was mid afternoon, the sun was shining, I had just come from a meeting and I wasn't ready to focus. It didn't help that I didn't have my laptop to try and make notes either. Anyways, as I was sitting there, not paying attention, and reading a graphic novel I tuned in to his lecture just in time to hear him say, "The one word you will want to remember from this, is thlipsis"
It means tribulation.
trial: an annoying or frustrating or catastrophic event; "his mother-in-law's visits were a great trial for him"; "life is full of tribulations ...
I don't know the significance. I just think it's too coincidental for there to not be any more meaning to it.

I Don't Want To Change The World I Just Want To Change Your Mind

Or maybe I do want to change the world... okay maybe I definitely want to do that. Today was the Spring Arts Festival at Tyndale. I was thinking about my favourite art, the best photography I've seen, the best paintings I've had a chance to look at, and that sort of thing. I started talking to a friend about my favourite art and I thought it would be good to reflect on it here. In 2006 I had a chance to go to New York City with my dad and it was an incredible trip, and while we were there I fell in love with some paintings I saw on display. 30 paintings to be specific. It wasn't anything I saw at the MoMA, or any gallery in SoHo, it was at the United Nations.
A Brazilian artist named Octavio Roth created a piece for each of the 30 Articles outlined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and I can't help but think they are some of the most important pieces of art I have ever come in to contact with. They say something about how the world should be, and are presented with an almost hopeful simplicity.
In 2007 after spending a couple days trying to find decent sized copies of the images online I found them on the UN's website. I then noticed that I could request high resolution copies of any of the images they had online. They listed all the criteria for accepting requests and what the images could and couldn't be used for. I sent them an e-mail, they sent me 30 high resolution pictures.
This is the kind of art I want to decorate my home with one day.

how shall we then vote?

So last night I went to Missionfest and I got to see Tony Campolo speak. It was a great message, just like I expected it to be. At one point he talked about Matthew 4 and suggested that when Satan showed Jesus the kingdoms of the world it was all the kingdoms... past, present and future. So what are the implications of that? What if it's true? I don't see any support for that in the Bible, it doesn't lead me to believe that He saw anything more than the kingdoms around at the time. But what if He did? That would mean that he turned down political power across time. Maybe I'm blowing this idea out of proportion but to me that seems to imply that groups like the Religious Right would be acting against this narrative. Tony addressed this in the context of Jesus having all kinds of authority, and not desiring power, not even needing it. I can see that, I agree with that. So why do so many Christians seek power? I don't think Christians should be trying to turn the world in to a big Christian ball of politics and morality, they should keep being Christians, and try to live that out, but I don't think that means enforcing our beliefs on other people.
I know I'm on a touchy subject right now. I don't really want to get too deep in to it. There's a balance, I just don't know what it is. I think Christians should be involved in politics, to the same extent everyone else is. I think they should vote for the issues that are important to them, just like everyone else should. I think they should determine on their own what issues are important to them instead of being told what they are, just like everyone else. Politics is confusing enough on its own without bringing faith into it... but sometimes it's just that hard to separate them.

NAILED IT!

So I intended to blog yesterday, I really did, I was just a little busy. Last night was RA Appreciation Night here at Tyndale and I was trying to pull things together and give the right people the information they needed. Alex and I wrote a musical for our RA's Matt and Allan and it went fantastically. Not perfectly... but fantastically. It was so much fun to get up there and perform it. Perhaps pictures will be forthcoming, maybe a link to a video... I'm not sure. I didn't personally get to take any photos, so I can't put a time frame on when some will be available. Have a fantastic day and hopefully I'll have something more substantial up soon.

Blood & Wine

I was at the Good Fiday Youth Rally at Bayview Glen this weekend, and towards the end of it I found myself at the back of the church praying and talking to my friend Curtis. The reason Curtis and I were at the back is because communion was being served. He didn't know if it was alright to have it twice in a day, and I thought it was being presented as a tradition removed from it's significance. It's interesting how many different thoughts and perspectives there are on a simple partaking of bread and grape juice.
It's something I've thought about a lot recently. I think the bread and wine are important symbolically, though I don't think they are necessary to have "communion". I think the most important part is what's going on inside.
I took some time this week to study Salvation Army doctrine. They don't participate in communion because, among other reasons, they believe the inward reality is more important than the symbolic expression. I think that's why I walked away from the table on Friday. They seemed to ignore the inward.
I would rather take communion with Ms.Vickies and V8 and mean it, instead of bread and wine just because.
I did take communion that night. On my way to the back another Tyndalian asked if I would take communion with him, and that seemed right. Eating and drinking with someone else, talking, praying, reflecting on the cross, remembering the body, and remembering the blood.

Let The Journey Begin

I'm back blogging once again. This time it's a little different. This time I'm going more for a journal approach than a blog. I guess recently I've been thinking a lot about what it means to journal. This week there have been a few times where I have written things down to reflect on later, either on paper, or on my hand. I could copy these thoughts down in a book that no one will ever see, and part of me would prefer that, but as long as these thoughts are private they are incomplete. As long as it's only my voice it's a monologue and there is so much more opportunity for development in a dialogue. So if you're one of the two people who follow this blog, interact, write back, send an e-mail, whatever. And if I'm not blogging yell at me. Let the journey begin.